stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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