I love watching others lives come down to our level.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!