grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.