o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"