Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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