Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
