dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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