wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
