wat bout pragnant strippers??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
