I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
