At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
