What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
