Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
