I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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