I wannas sexs uuuuu
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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