I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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