Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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