Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
