Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
