I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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