How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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