my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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