I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
