How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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