He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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