I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
