He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
