I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
