Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize