Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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