i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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