She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
