Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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