i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
