Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize