ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
