seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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