i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
