its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
