video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
