why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
