I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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