i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
