haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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