I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
