super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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