I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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