i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
