I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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