In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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