I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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