You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
