So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No subtext here. People are naked.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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