This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
