K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
