I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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