we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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