why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
