so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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