god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
