This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
