We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
MIDGETS
????
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize