What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Randomize
