theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
His nipple licking is glorious
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