FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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