She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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