Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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