Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize