a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
