Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
