I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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