I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
