Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
