you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
