Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
