in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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