i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
