he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
