omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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